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Here in the dark.

I’ve been just doing things around town lately and they aren’t causing me me the amount of anxiety that I’m usually in. New situations are different obviously. Riding on this train at night, yep, that’s a new and unfamiliar situation.

I took half of the meds I usually take to sleep. I wanted to be relaxed but not completely out of it. Well I slept soundly for about a half an hour after letting go of the anxiety that still loomed even after another dose of my benzo. I’m thankful for that time I slept but I wish it had been longer. Now I’m awake and the meds have seem to have worn off. I’m jittery, my brain is going faster than the train, and I can’t calm my ocd thoughts down. I tried distraction but I can’t focus enough for a movie or book, so I’m listening to good music and breathing. Maybe I.can get the ocd thoughts in my mind to chill out and get a few more hours or minutes of sleep.

All I know is that there’s great reward for making this trip. I love Johanna and miss her so much. Can’t wait to see her (and Brad and Hawkeye). Just gotta get through the next 6 hours!

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